prisoner of the past !!!

I sit here in deafening silence, reading my suppressed thoughts

All of them taking me back, to everything till date I have fought

I tremble, I shake, with each and every distant violent memory

Asking the same question again and again, the burden of which, only I, carry

I am completely frozen in time, melting under the fury of accusations

Still remember how each word entered my vein, granting me no restitution

I pray to God every day even in my restless sleep

Please free me of these painful memories, let me no longer weep

I still search for that answer, to bring peace to my questioning mind

I still do not know what was my fault, to make everything, so unkind

Sometimes I am filled with fury, angry at those brutal hearts

Who killed my free soul and made me a prisoner of the past

Will I be able to trust again, a question I ask myself, endlessly

The answer which now is unavailable, but one day, hopefully

This soul shall again fly, freely among the white clouds

Like a bird who has found her wings, again, to be proud

the sin !!

I am available
I am available for one thousand people, said the mighty heart

So proud was it to say these words, full of hate from the start

Nothing happened, it kept on repeating, with a scornful tongue

Was not a big deal and life is nothing but a bag, full of casual fun

It was all in your mind, it said with boastful self admiration
You have others, seek them, I want to run my own administration
Just because I am single dosen’t mean I am interested in you
You are nothing but a frequent maintenance and I’m interested in only few

Things were made clear from the start, it was your fault not to believe
It was just a meet up, it said, to bring few things up the sleeve
You are still trying, it said with stiff pointed blaming fingers
I can be mean, I can be rude, to make use of I have no hinders

Being around you gives you fancy ideas to miss a beat

I want no strings no commitments, as I have someone else to sweep

I am out of stock, it said with all the glory of a winner

It was your own fault to believe, which makes you the sinner

impossible possible !!

the pain goes stronger day everyday
im doing my best to smile, forget the pricks, all the way
how do i make this impossible possible for me
when i know my smile shall never come back to me

the doc asked me when did i smile last
how do i tell her it was left with my past
how do i make this impossible possible for me
when i know there is no will left to smile within me

im struggling to stand back on my feet
after the doc told me the news which was not sweet
i have to make this impossible possible for me
my inner strength needs to rise again and take over me

always on my mind !!

I'm sitting by the phone, waiting it to ping
just to hear one minute small tiny ring
your voice makes my day turn up bright
gives me strength to never give up and fight

I'm remembering the moments spent together
your smile, your words, your touch silky feather
the songs you gave me, the love you showered
the place in your heart that you to me empowered

The trust you gave me, I promise forever to keep
I share the tears with you and deeply deeply weep
The bond that we have shall grow stronger by the day
For you are special to me, in my heart you shall forever stay

This is the only way I can reach you now
so be it, for I shall write for you, touch you, somehow
remember that you shall always be on my mind
even if we don't talk for hours, for hours, sometime

what do i know !!

what do I know of the days to come
what do I know what will I become
all i see is what is in front of me
all i see is what was meant to be

what do i know if there is a tomorrow
what do i know if the days will be full of sorrow
all i know is what i feel
the pain, the hurt, the life, which was never meant to be

what do i know where these roads will end
what do i know where finally will i say THE END
all i am doing is doing my best
to peacefully end this long life quest

what do i know if you felt my pain
what do i know if i ever be same again
all i remember is moments so precious
all i remember is words so slaughterous

what do i know .......................

why should I !!!

why should i accept the things that i have to accept
why should i lie about the things that i have to lie
why should i die for the things that i have to die
why should i cry for the things that i have to cry

why cant i scream, why cant i shout
why cant i dream, why cant i sprout
i am also human i also feel
i am also human i also dream

why should i see the things that i have to see
why should i hear the things that i have to hear
why should i take the things that i have to take
why should i give the things that i have to give

why cant i love
why cant i hug
why cant i feel
just a simple touch

why should i forgive the things that i have to forgive
why should i smile for the things that i have to smile
why should i pretend for the things that i have to pretend
why should i be quiet for the things i have to be quiet

i want to fly
i want to be free
i want to see
only the things i want to see

i want to smile
i want to laugh
i want this world
to be for me
why should I then forget and let you all be !!!!

those days and nights !!!

was it only in my mind
thats a question i keep asking myself all the time
why do people who are close to my heart
always disown me to make a new start

all i did was open my heart
made myself vulnerable right from the start
i never did anything ever to hurt them
always made efforts to love and protect them

then why is it that i have to suffer
for all the goodness and pain that i have to cover
I gave them my soul i gave them my life
and all they did was break all ties

sands of time will take care of me
but those painful days and nights shall stay with me

tell me if i am wrong !!

tell me if i am wrong
if you have a feeling too strong
then how can you easily forget ?

tell me if i am wrong
if someone is important and with you belong
then how can you easily forget ?

tell me if i am wrong
if it meant nothing and was not strong
then only you can easily forget !

tell me if i am wrong
if someone is insignificant and not belong
then only you can easily forget !

tell me if i am wrong !!!

one day will come !!

keep quiet and see
where this world will be
one day will come
when you will become
what you want to be

time is bad
making you sad
but remember PG
things one day will not be mad

those who wanna leave let them go
leave those shores and look for some more
for you know what you are
life is not that far

let them laugh let them play
you keep quiet and dont make them stay
your world is here with your angel
he needs you so rock the cradle

one day will come
when you will become
what you want to be !!!

angry heart !!!

today this heart is very angry
is filled with rage and feeling hungry
to eat up all those moments in one go
which made this heart beat ever ever slow

how can some be so cold and ruthless
to simply walk away feeling clueless
dont they have a heart that beats
dont they have a stand to keep

how can some go back on their words
like it was never spoken not even a curse
dont they feel what they have done
to make their own life just begun

how can God forgive their souls
when they will meet Him in his red hole
I still pray to the Teacher
to give them soul, life and future !!

this is for You !!

every hour that passes, I thank you that it passed
every minute that passes, I thank you that it passed
every second that passes, I thank you that it passed
but you never move and keep still
on that gold and platinum stage which is full of guilt

what have i done to You to punish me this way
all i wished for some peace to come my way
I have never killed anyone or lied or stole
i believed in Santa and always protected Him from the cold

why do you just sit there and not look at me
while I wait in the long queue helplessly
I am doing my best and worked so hard
I beg You not to make my efforts thwart

all i request You is one chance
so that i can fulfil my duties to the best i can
i believed in You and trusted You
for they told me not to lose belief in You

but if you will keep silent anymore long
i will lose the belief and fight You strong
For i have done nothing wrong to deserve this
i have been a good girl and You cannot punish me for this !!!!

a promise !!

life is indeed strange
so unpredictable and so prone to change
when you start moving ahead
it will suddently hit you on the head
to unbalance you once more
and take you back to hurt you more

You tell me what have i done
to make me live in pain right from the young
No one can hear my silent cries
the tears which i cry slowly dries

i still smile for this world
a fake smile for this fake world
But i promise you my son
you will always have your mum !!!

silence !!

out of sight, out of mind
wish that was how world was mine
but the fact remains
i believe in being straight

it will never be immaterial as the cut is too deep
what i felt will never be a repeat
im not trying
im not flying
its a deep wound which will take some time

just plain words will not make it heal
i dont even know how i made you feel
did you feel the pain inside
did you feel the rain outside

while you laugh i cry inside
hiding in a corner smiling outside
missing a friend who forgot me in the end
will he ever understand what he meant

for you moving on is so very simple
leaving me behind whos stuck and feels invisible

wish i could pick up the phone and talk
wish i could cover the hole and walk
but the fact remains
I will never be the same again

small place to curl !!

This heart is so restless eyes are empty

Lips are silent talks are no more plenty

How do I reach you now that you are so far away

Just to hear your voice I can turn night into day

When you look at me, my soul comes to life

Making me melt under your soft light blue eyes

Your touch is like rose petals stroking my arms

Moving me from within protecting me from any harm

Your music fills my heart with love and sorrow

I can feel your pain and I know you don’t live in tomorrow

Your soul is so pure like white satin flowing free

You have touched me like no one else and have stood by me

You have given this heart a heartbeat to beat

Stay with me forever and don’t let my past repeat

Be my strength; hide me from this selfish fake world

Your heart is of pure gold, save me a small place to curl

no more songs !!

I sit here on the same couch, remembering your dark eyes

The silent words which were pouring, covered with that broad smile

You came to me with deep desires in your heart

And then you changed and left me, broken, so broken that now I can't just start

This is life, I know all about it

Don’t need your big words, fake thoughts to show the light around it

I may be alone but not lonely inside

For Im my dad’s daughter and soon there shall be broad daylight

You have chosen your options to make a new start

Didn’t even turn back once, to see that crushed broken heart

I reached to you, endlessly in pain

But you kept moving forward, leaving my emotions in vain

I see you there standing with a new shine in your eyes

With that smile on your face, wondering if ever it was mine

for I still cant believe of all the people it will be you

to give me such misery and pain, to last me my whole life through

What more do I write, what more do I say

Those broken words have no more no more say

I have counted the times I have shed my tears

in those soulful words for which you never had ears

silently I now sit and watch the world go by

the smile has faded my soul has died

you still asked me what was wrong

didn’t you feel this heart sings no more songs?